One thing I notice in my life is that I try to hide away from my fears. Repression them and suppression them is not a good thing.
Some would make many people run in the cave and not come out. I have claimed Bankruptcy, because I had a business fail. When I had my scrapbooking store I didn’t trust myself and handed the power to someone else. In return that person betrayed me. So I thought but in fact I betrayed myself by not trusting myself and my own inner light.
I have been evicted from 3 different homes. Each time truly devastating. But I know one I wanted to happen.
Yet when it happens again, you have to sit a wonder why. Yes you didn’t pay the rent. But what I find there is something I need to do for me in all the craziness. To find me. Finding me in each situation was taking me back to a place that scared me more than anything.
That fear was surrendering to God. Surrendering to a power that I believed could take over my life and I would no longer have control over it. Maybe someone would laugh and taught me because of it. The fear was paralyzing. This idea of God. What God is and what I think he could do?
I always had this great intuition and knowingness. The Angels seem easy and beautiful and loving to me. Calling in the Goddess energy was a true delight. But God…………… What was so different in this?
When I sat and asked why am I afraid? Because I felt that I would be judged. Be judged for not being able to keep it together. Being judged because I failed. Or my belief of failure is. That God would wag his finger in my face like my dad had done and told me you can do better……. Wow what a moment that was. A moment that I got clarity of God. That I put him with my father. A father of the earthly realm who could only be earthly.
This new journey I am taking for 40 days of Fearlessness is opening me up. And bringing me back to the road home. I can’t say where that is right now. But I know I have to include this higher power called God.. I receive peace.
When I turned away even through those other beloved beings are there this one is extra special.
I feel I am getting help carry my crosses or burdens. I moving away from the darkness and into the light. He is giving me strength and joy and he is showing me how to trust in him in the face of our many trials.
Right now Steve my hubby has not been working and my business has slowed down. We are heading down a road of some big hills to climb but it feels so different this.
I have began to train my imagination to turn away from darkness and toward the light. I am making a concerted effort to make sure that when I imagine my fears playing out, I include God in those pictures. Because these things you and I and everyone fear? I won’t lie to you, some of them very well may come to pass. But if and when they do, God will be there, too, giving us all the grace and peace and strength we will need to scale the mountain that stands before us.
If you are still reading this blog I know you will continue to follow me. I know many don’t like to hear the word God but you will be hearing it a little more from me. That is where I am on the journey.
The work I do is because of the Father and The Mother, Angels, Fairies and more. all of love and light.
Take a moment to imagine what it would feel like if the thing you’re afraid of actually came to pass. Let yourself feel that fear. But then invite God into the picture. In what ways might he be present? What graces might he give you to help you endure the situation? And what blessings might be waiting for you on the other side of your fear? Turn your imagination toward the light, watch as the darkness begins to dissipate, and be at peace, sweet friends.